Before the After
by chocoholicannanymous
Summary: Not all dreams are nice. Some are more deserving of the description nightmares, even without the terror. When Kurt wakes up from one of those it's time to reevaluate a few things. S4 ficlet that goes AU just before Christmas. Not blaine or klaine friendly.


Disclaimer: I own nothing except an overactive imagination and way too many plotbunnies.

 **Before the After**

At first he's disoriented. Nothing makes sense, and everything feels wrong. When he turns his head the walls even look wrong. It takes several minutes for Kurt to fight himself out of the fog enough to realize that there's nothing wrong with his room – it's just his head playing tricks on him.

He was dreaming. He'd been so tired after several nights in a row where nothing helped, and busy days with no rest, that he'd crashed early and slept like drugged – which he hadn't been, he's out of Ambien and not getting more – for... Oh. For almost eleven hours.

That explains it then. He has always had vivid dreams, which turn strange when exhausted. These though... These go beyond strange and straight into unnerving. Nightmarish almost.

Kurt spends his day constantly in movement, trying to push away the dreams and the unsettling feeling they left behind. It doesn't work. It doesn't matter how many times he tells himself it's just his mind playing tricks on him, that it's just dreaming, that it means nothing. The feelings won't go away.

They have hooked themselves into his soul, and he feels, well, practically paranoid. Nothing he says or does manages to chase away that. It's a good thing he's got an easy solution.

Regardless, Kurt feels silly, childish, when he picks up his phone. He's an adult now – he's supposed to be too old asking his dad to chase away the bad dreams. Turns out he's not. _Then again, are we ever? Really?_

"Hello?"

"Dad! Hi!"

Just talking to his dad created a warm safe feeling in Kurt, and he almost forgets why he called. Almost isn't completely though, and that's why instead of saying goodbye Kurt hesitantly segues into the subject.

"Dad, can I... This is going to sound weird, okay, but just, humor me okay? Were you thinking about coming up here for Christmas?"

He expects laughter, expects an "of course not", because dreams aren't truth, okay. They aren't. Only that's not what he gets.

"How did you know? Did Carole let something slip? It was supposed to be a surprise."

Kurt reels, fights for inner balance. Dreams **aren't** supposed to be true. They just aren't.

"No, I haven't talked to her, just... It just, I just had this thought. Sorry if I ruined your surprise, dad, but it might be better this way. Santana was talking about a job she wanted us to take, but if you're coming up then I want to have as much time off as I can swing. If you're here, then I want to be with you, not at work."

He hesitates again, because his dad deciding to come for an unannounced visit is one thing – it's Christmas, and that's for family – but the rest of his dream... That makes no sense. Acting like it does... Just, no. That way lies madness.

Right?

"Can I ask you something else, that's going to sound really, **really** crazy? You weren't planning on bringing Blaine with you, were you?"

He holds his breath. This, this is it. This is where he crosses the line and truly becomes paranoid.

"Weeeeell..." _What?_ "I haven't decided on anything, but he has been acting like a kicked puppy. I gotta say, kid, your breakup hit him hard, and when I told him you weren't coming home for Christmas break I thought he was going to cry. And I know you missed him too, so I've been playing with the idea."

"You told him? Why would you tell Blaine I'm not coming back to Lima?"

Kurt is practically hyperventilating, because this isn't supposed to happen. His dad was supposed to laugh, to let Kurt dismiss his dream as just that, a dream. And more importantly, his dad is supposed to be on **his** side – regardless of the fact that Kurt hasn't told him the whole truth about the breakup.

"Calm down. He came to the garage, asking, and I just, shouldn't I have told him? Was it a secret or something? Kurt? Breathe, buddy. You're beginning to scare me."

And that's fair, since he's beginning to scare himself.

"He came to see you? To ask about me? That... That little **rat**! I asked him to give me time, and this is what I get? I, I can't–" And there he stops. Because he **can** believe it. It's classic Blaine, isn't it, the same behavior as ever since the breakup. Just push, push, push, and screw what Kurt wants.

"Dad? I need to tell you something. But first I need you to promise me you won't get mad. Or, well, that you won't get mad and take it out on someone. Okay?"

Then he tells his dad exactly why he broke up with Blaine.

O-o-o-O

His dad doesn't bring Blaine. He does, however, bring Carole, and Finn (they pointedly ignore Rachel's huffing over that fact) and it's exactly what Kurt needs. The four of them together not only for the holiday, but for Burt's cancer reveal and for Kurt's acceptance letter.

O-o-o-O

When Blaine calls on New Year's Eve Kurt is still riding the high from having his family with him, still feeling a little unsettled from the strange dream, and has the strength to tell Blaine that no, he's not all that comfortable with Blaine applying to NYADA. (Where did that idea even come from? He's spent hours listening to Blaine's college plans, and NYADA never came up. Never.)

He can't stop Blaine from applying, obviously – that train left months ago, and it doesn't escape Kurt's attention that Blaine didn't ask if it was okay then – nor accepting if it comes to that. Just. He's not going to lie and say he's okay with it.

Not even when the truth has Blaine sputtering and pouting so hard Kurt can actually hear it.

Not when the memory of his dream still lingers.

O-o-o-O

Kurt focuses on the future after that. Scratch that, he focuses on creating the future he wants, instead of the one he dreamed (in all senses) and that means no more thinking about Blaine. He begins at NYADA, he works hard in his classes, and he happily joins the Apples when invited.

Come March he's got a good life, with amazingly weird friends and a gorgeous boyfriend – because no fear, not now – and it's better than any dream could be.

Finding out that Blaine tanks his NYADA audition is, not the cherry on top, because his life already has that, but well, one more maybe? It's a bonus.

It's just not something Kurt needs, because his life already has everything he does need. He hesitates to call it a dream, because these days that word carries some uncomfortable connotations, but it's far from his nightmare.

It's better than it was before his dream. It's so much better than the after his dream showed. **It makes him happy**. And that's all that matters, really.

~The End ~


End file.
